I Was Not There
I was not there
When you were crying
That piercing cry that irritates me
Neither did I hear you
Cooing contentedly
I did not smell
Your foul smelling poo
Neither was I able
To enjoy the aroma
Of your skin
Bathed and powdered
You were looking at
A very big absence
Incomprehensible to you
But I was
Drowning my sorrows
Elsewhere
Every man you saw
You thought it was
Dada
Papa
Me
But they just smiled
Pinched
At your soft cheek
And walked away
Gone forever
You ran
But there was no
Strong arm
To catch you fall
Don’t you know
My heart ached
For you
Just to call me
Dad?
I’m so sorry
My child
I never wanted
That we be parted
Deep
Deep
Deep inside
Really
Had it been
Another place
I would not want
To leave your side
My child
Can we be together?
Will you forgive me?
Can I make up
For time lost
In this other time
In this other place
Where we can be
Together forever?
this peom almost made me cry all thru out my childhood yrs my dad was never there. I cant even remmember his face or anything like that and it hurts everyday
powerful
Talk about the song Cat’s in the Cradle. Does have the same effect on me. So sad…
Love it!
I love that song too!
I can relate to this poem..a child definately needs both parents around..even if they are not together…but they should both be present right…? I dont know if you may like it because my style of poetry is very different to yours but I have a similar poem…Growing up In the City…feel free to have a read, you may relate to it…or you may not X najma
Oh I very much love to read it, thanks for inviting me. Yes parents should be both present, but otherwise, the child should be strong despite the absence. This is my contribution for those who grew up, like me, without a father. May we meet our fathers again in heaven, even for one last hug.
I can relate to growing up without a father. I had ,far too much, overwhelming female attentoin in my life! And now I have an IDENTITY crisis.
Emmanuel, nothing wrong with that, that’s already a part of you, can we deny a part of ourselves? My advice is, we are defined by what we do, how our actions affect our lives and the lives of others. Act according to your conscience, so much so that being busy with it will make you forget your crisis at the moment. I’ve been through such a thing and work is therapeutic.
What on Earth made you write this Tom? Awesome effect…
I missed my Father, Luis Jr. I pray for him whenever I go to worship. I have imagined other fathers who are apologizing to their neglected or left-behind children in some way, spiritually, psychically, or subconsciously. Once becoming a parent, I believe there is still a “link” to one’s offspring, and that one day, separation will be no more and
everything will be explained between parent and child, the hurt between will be replaced by a better late than never Love.
Love this poem. My children don’t get near the time with their dad that they need. He just doesn’t make the time for them that he should. My one hope is that one,before it is too late, he will realize that they need and want him around. That he and I divorcing is even more of a reason that he needs to be there for them. WONDERFUL WRITING!!
If I may so suggest, dear Ranna, what if he could have a copy of this, and let’s see. I have grown without my father, so I know what it feels like. Eventually, your children will find the father figure that they need. Let’s just hope HE will be that one for the most part. My best wishes, Ranna.
Tom
Hey took your suggestion to heart. I emailed him a copy of this. Hopefully he will see that he is needed. I don’t fear for the kids per se, more for him. Even though he and I are divorced and he has done many things that could cause me to hate him, I just don’t have it in me to do so. I will always care for him, and would hate to see him live with this kind of regret later on down the road. Thank you Tom, you really are a bright spirit in a too often dreary world.
Take Care,
Ranna
Oh hey thanks for visiting the page. I so enjoy sharing my writings and to get another writers feed just makes my day.
That’s the spirit, Ranna, hope is such a gift for humankind that our disappointments have the possibility of being covered by future and present blessings. Anytime, friend Ranna. You write and convey emotion very well, they can make a grown man cry. Lookin’ forward to your posts.
Be safe always, my Friend,
Tom
I am able to relate to this poem, not only once but twice. I grew up not knowing my biological father, well @ 32 yrs old I met him we kept in contact for bout a year. well the Last i have heard from him was July 3, 2007?
so I am assumeing he dosen’t want anything to do with me or my family? So I figure he is just like everyone else that comes in to my life they are here for a bit then their gone? other then that great poem keep up the good work!
Thank you, Heidi, I guess, we just live our lives without him, nonetheless, as I have emoted in this piece, I dream of one day, all separation will be gone and all those we have lost will be reunited with us once more or at least everything will be explained and understood in due time. I wish you well.
You are a good person, you are not bitter. You could have been so bitter. You father missed out on a good person and I know,just like you do he regretted it. Sometimes wrong goes on so long that it seems to overwhelming to make it right. I’m in the process of adopting a child, who one day will have to choose how to take the fact that her (both)parents couldn’t care for her. I pray she takes it like you have. And I have a feeling your faith played a big part. Thank you so much for this post.
Thank you too, Pink. I strive to live the way you described me, and you’re right, it is overwhelming to face and resolve the complications that branched out from this absence in the family structure. I admire you for adopting a child, and I believe your nature to love will be fulfilled in your child. God bless.
This writing touched me deeply, oh that it were my father’s words to me! He was a violent alcoholic and I was his scapegoat. I wish parents who need to drink everyday come to realize they’re on the road to alcoholism, a disease that affects every member of the family. It separates the person from developing meaningful relationships with their family. Your poem is achingly haunting and shows a soul mature beyond your years. I think I’ll hold the thought in mind that my father was capable of writing such an emotional piece – to me! Yes, I will hold that thought. Thank you, Tom.
I believe so much, Janet, that our fathers, free from the frail vessel of the body, will remember us, and tell us these words we so long to hear. I am also convinced that this love, unseen and unacknowledged, is inside them, and this is what made us strong despite their weaknesses. Love is one of the things that make a person survive adverse circumstances. You are a strong woman, I admire you for your candour. Bless you always, Janet.
I’m new to WordPress.com, Tom, and didn’t realize that different themes do different things, like your theme places your response to my comment directly under it. I didn’t see your poignant response to what I had written you on 8-12, until just now. I really like that you have chosen to think well of another, erring on the side of “good intentions” rather than condemning one who’s silent or expressionless. It says a lot about your character, Tom. The ability to forgive another is really our own salvation. I really like what I’m learning about you, Tom. You’re a good man.
You are kind with your words, as you are in person, and I believe, being touched by another kind man and woman makes this virtue be born in us, as you have touched me, and I you. Take care, and you shine in the world, my sister.
Tuff subject. Very touching. As an absent father . . . it takes a lot of swallowing. Your heart is always in your throat when anything brings absent children to mind. We can only hope that those who do surround them have something to offer in compensation. It’s always heartwrenching to love someone from far away. And loving is never optional. Nature demands it.
I very much agree, and these are the facts of life. Thanks for you visit, Hermit.
This is a wonderful poem. It’s helped me to reflect on things from a different perspective. I have not seen nor talked to my father in 20 years. I wonder if he feels any of this.
I welcome everyone to share in more discussion such as this by visiting a blog I’ve started to journal my feelings about not having a father and to uncover how that has affected me.
http://theaffectofanabsentfather.blogspot.com
Your poem is so sad.
Sad yet beautiful.
It warms the heart
And hits the soul.
It’s true to life, thank you.
wow…
14 years of my life, i don’t have my father with me…the very moment when i felt i need him the most.
but that’s life…now, i have forgiven him..and i am with him now..sort of making up for the lost times…
lovely…touching..
Your sharing drove me to tears…I am so happy for you.
The pain you express is universal…the emotionally unavailable person…the unattainable closeness. This you you know how to heal in your heart. You express that healing beautifully. Thank you so much for your wordcraft
Thank you so much, Greatpoetrymhf! Yes, indeed I wrote this to heal my own soul, for I grew up without a father. You are very welcome and please come again.
Hello my name is Stephanie Gowdy and I really would appreciate it if you checked out http://www.unstablecradle.blogspot.com, I know exactly what you are feeling and my blog expresses my feelings and others like you… I would really love to hear from you I may even with you premission post your poem contact me via my blog or unstablecradle@gmail.com