Sunday mornings were always the best times for Emma to have peace of mind and to read up on her lessons. After waking to bright sunshine, the chirping of birds,and to hot chocolate and cereal, the day promised to be very, very normal.
The bell rang at the front door. Emma went down from her study.
“I’ll get it!”
“Please do, sweetie!” Wilma, her mom, called from the kitchen.
“Go get ‘im, Tiger”, Grandma Greta called from the bathroom.
Emma opened the door with a flourish.
“You!?”
“Emma, don’t be upset, I have something to say. I know this is a bit out of the ordinary. I like to talk to your parents and apologize for what happened”, Darren said sheepishly.
“What do you want, the return of your bird?” she asked, her eyebrows arching.
“Wha-?” Darren’s hand swung behind his back to reveal a bouquet of pink and red roses. Emma instinctively took it, a reflex developed from countless readings of romance novels.
“Can I come in?”
“Only my mom and grandma are here. A warning. Don’t say anything stupid, especially to my Mom, most especially my Grandma. Understood?”
“Crystal.”
“Just go right to the living room and wait there.”
Darren strolled into the dark mahogany room, gazing at the gauze-curtained floor to ceiling windows, game animal head trophies, and the ubiquitous gaze daguerreotype portraits on the wall. Grandma Greta came into the living room wrapped with a towel and a hairnet.
“You must be Darren.” He whirled around to face Greta, startled.
“Yes ma’am.”
“I am Greta, Emma’s grandmother. But my chat mates in the Internet call me as Bombshell Britney.”
“Huh?”
“That’s me, the young girl on top. I was only ten back then.” She pointed at the blurry picture, stretching her arm. Doing so, the towel got loose, soundlessly falling on the Persian rug. Darren thought the picture was way too old so he checked Greta’s present age.
“Ew, that’s dis…dis…disg…”
“You’re saying something?”
“Disgruntled! I was a disgruntled employee. But now, I’m changed.”
“Good for you. I’m going to get dressed so make yourself at home.” She shuffled out, leaving the towel. Darren held his breath, making the air find another exit, resulting in a popping sound.
“Oops.” He kicked the towel under a cabinet.
The three women came into the room.
“Good mornin’”, Darren mumbled, then stole a nervous glance at the now Queen Mum light blue appareled Greta.
“This seemed to be more off a surprise, Darren. I appreciate the romantic gesture towards my daughter, but other than that, we would very much want to know why you want to talk to us”, Wilma calmly said, stunning in her Nicole Kidman yellow jogging get-up.
“I, Darren Cochrane,am proposing to marry your daughter, Emma Brewstirwell.” Emma’s jaw dropped.
“Cowabunga! You’re really somethin’, kiddo”, quipped Greta.
“Darren, are you nuts?” Emma exhaled.
Wilma regained her composure, “Darren, I never even knew you two dated. I barely know you. I’m sorry. We can’t accept that.”
Mrs. Brewstirwell, I had a divine experience with your daughter. I promised upstairs”, pointing up, “I am going to marry you, Emma, so here I am.”
“And what is this ‘divine experience’?” Greta telepathically spilled the beans to Wilma.
[“He slipped her a ruffie and consummated procreation without her expressed consent.”] Greta air-humped for effect.
“You what!?”
“I haven’t said anything yet”, Darren squealed.
“Oh no, Mom”, Emma held her just in time before she could rush him.
“You know it, dude. You slipped her a ruffie, didn’t ya, Casanova?” Greta said.
“Oh my, jeez, how did you…I’m going to tell you what really happened, okay? I did the ruffie thing, fine. But I did not go on with…it. I did not touch her. I did undress her. I’m really sorry Emma. Please forgive me. But I swear, I truly swear, I just slept beside her. My conscience…and I was punished for what I did, swiftly and weirdly, I may add. I was cured. Now, I have to fulfill my promise.”
[“Is he telling the truth? Check his memories, Mother.”] Greta made a search and sent Wilma a soft copy, with added details.
“You don’t say, Darren child. You have the balls coming clean like this.”
“He’s a virgin?” Wilma slipped.
“I did not say I am a virgin. Who told you that?” Darren was fast becoming epileptic.
“So my little girl is still a virgin after all”, Wilma heaved a sigh off relief.”
“Mom, this is going way too far.”
“Darren I believe you. Apology accepted.”
“Really? That’s sweet!”
“Your proposal is a bit too, premature.”
“Oh? But I promised.”
“Why don’t you two lovebirds talk it over alone and we’ll come back later”, Greta ordered.
“That’d be okay.”
“Emma, sweetie, are you alright with that?”
“I’m okay. We’ll talk about this.”
The two older women left the two. Awkward silence. Meanwhile, in the room adjacent to the living room, Greta refashioned the wall into an interrogation room style one-way mirror.
“I really appreciate that”, Emma intimated.
“It is embarrassing. But I had an epiphany. That epiphany is you.”
[“Isn’t that laying it a bit thick?”] Wilma was incredulous.
[“If I remember well, you fell for pick up lines blander than that.”] Darren leaned across and held Emma’s hand, “Maybe your mother is right.”
[“Maybe? I am always right.”]
“Your mother is always right.”
“Uhuh, I follow”, Emma raised a brow.
“We should start again, you know. Get to know each other.”
[“I hope not horizontally”,] Wilma remarked.
“Not horizontally”, Darren continued, “but vertically. No, I mean to say, Emma, can I be your boyfriend again?” Greta hugged Wilma, “Oh, I can’t stand the romance. Brings back mmemories of me and Edgar Allan Poe jugging down whisky under the moon.”
“Oh, Darren. I would be very hap—.”
[“I will think about it”,] interjected Wilma.
“Uh, I will think about it”, revised Emma.
“You sure?”
“I feel there’s a lot going on my head right now. I will consider it, Darren.”
“Cool.”
[“I like him. His naiveté is refreshing. Only a virgin deserves a virgin. I wonder if he still looks cute without his clothes on.”]
[“No problem, dearie, that can be arranged.”] Darren’s full frontal froze the three.
[“Not bad for a virgin college boy passing himself off as a stud to his pals.”]
[I’d say he’s a lot more athletically equipped than my bygone Poe. A prize catch for Emma. To think he hasn’t used that, deserves a little teenie weenie admiration.”]
“You’re…you’re…” Emma was blinking 182. She stood, so did he.
“Yes, Emma?” Emma took long to get out a word, which Darren thought of as speechless affection. He hugged her, his nakedness pressing on her thin silky fabrics.
“Oh. My. God.”
“Yes, I think He destined me to be with you”, he looked into her eyes. Her slightly opened lips and the friction of their bodies was tempting to him. That’s when Emma noticed a hardening at the crux of things.
[“Oh!”] Wilma and Greta cried in unison.
“Grandma, I swear I will leave this house forever if you don’t bring back his…”
“Emma, bring back my what?”
“Bring back…some tea will ya?” When she broke from him and looked down, Darren was properly attired.
“Oh, I don’t drink tea. I gotta be going. I have to drop by the dry cleaner’s. I have nothing more to wear. You wouldn’t want me to walk around campus naked would ya?”
“Absolutely not, Darren.”
“I call you, okay?”
“Okay.”
“See you in campus.”
“See you.” Darren went out. Emma let out a totally loud yell.
“Grandma! Mom!”
